I am going to quote myself from last week. Something I buried in the post that vibrated to the surface of my subconscious over the last few days that might be poignant in this climate, “find ways to improve how we talk to each other.” There are probably only a few people in this world who are not stressed out about something. When fear, uncertainty, and little division are percolating in the ether, we are bound to be short tempered and quick to speak negatively to each other. Probably even more so to our partners who we have been cooped up with for 50 days. When we are in a mentally challenged state, words can fire out of our mouths that are not encouraging or are even unforgivable. If you ever need ancient wisdom about the power of words, there is no better place than the Old Testament's Book of Proverbs to find some zingers:
Proverbs 15:4 “Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Proverbs 16:24 “Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
Let’s try to take these ancient words of wisdom with us through our social media and with our family. We need each other now more than ever to be positive with each other, especially our partners.
If you think words can’t really affect a person's emotional balance, then tell your partner “she is not working hard enough” when she is trying to vaginaly deliver your mountain of wrinkly love with no pain medication. If you use those types of words in a delivery room, you will get to experience a raw unfiltered emotional rebuke of your lack of insensitivity. Have you ever watched that show where a couple of guys eat a Carolina Reaper pepper and then are asked truth questions? They can’t lie. Point is, your partner will not sugar coat anything during a contraction. It is important that you find phrases that encourage, empower, and fortify her abilities and role in the moment. You must also be able to calm her when the contraction starts to release. In my book Daddy Doula-ish I dedicate a chapter on creating these phrases that will help during the delivery. I recently came across this quote that I think sums up what you should be trying to achieve with your words during labor:
“Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers — strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.”
—Barbara Katz Rothman
I would like to see some phrases that have encouraged you through your life or especially through labor and delivery. If I get a few good ones, I will post next week.
One phrase that my grandfather used to tell me when I was young, “The world is big and amazing. If you are bored, that is your fault.”